I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
