I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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