Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
