I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
