He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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