i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
