u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
