Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
