Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
