Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
