I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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