My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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