wrigley field is MILF paradise
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
