she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
