those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
