If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
