his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We had to coat check the pizza.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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