I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
