So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
