moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
