I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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