You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
