My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
