it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
