wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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