apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
