Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
