Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
