Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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