his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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