my phone needs a breathalizer
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
