ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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