She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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