everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
