From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
