I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
