Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
