can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
nutella sex= disaster
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
