1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
