It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
ttyl tear gas
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
