im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
