Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Come share oat with me in your robe
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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