I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
