I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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