Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
