i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
