I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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