i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dick very happy bro
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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