I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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