For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
