Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
