I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
