i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
