so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
