i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
