We got so high we made milksteak
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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