i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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