Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize