I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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