Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
