this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
