So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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