The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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