Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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