not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it was like eating out sand paper
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
