How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
