Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
